You know it is much easier to watch portion controls when you are by yourself and broke. I have noticed I have that when I am with friends I eat more. Not cool. I have cheated all week and now that it is time to get back on track it is super hard. Yesterday for dinner I had a cup of clam chowder, cheese sticks, and a baked potato. So what’s with all the carbs? It is cold outside and makes me crave them. Wonder why…
Yesterday I cheated. I went to chili’s. I ran out the house early because it snowed. It took me two hours to get to work which was not cool at all. Then I realized I didn’t bring lunch so I went to Chili’s for lunch and dinner. Probably not the smartest thing I have ever done, but I enjoyed it. Everyone at work was saying that it looks like I am losing the weight. SO that really gave me a boost of confidence and to keep plugging away at what I am doing.
Yesteday was a good day for me. I had my one on one review with the site manager. It was awesome. He really liked what I was doing with my team so that makes me feel good. However, we lost another manager. So I foresee the stress levels in the joint skyrocketing. Personally, I think I will be fine as long as I don’t let the other managers bring me down. My team size is going from 13 to 17. I am used to having a larger team. I came from a team of 33 and have no problem with the larger team. I actually like a larger team, that way if someone falls behind, the rest can help carry the burdon. As for food. I did very well. It was pizza nite and I had two slices. That is amazing for me. Normally, I like to have 5 or 6 slices. I feel like I am losing weight so that makes me happy. I have checked the scale and I am down to 218.2lbs. That makes me very happy. I made it down to 219.5 the year before last and gained it all back. This time I am not letting it come back. I am fighting it off with a stick!!! I am really looking to get under the 217lb mark. I am a bit competative and my bestfriends sister weighs 217lbs the last I talked to her. I just can’t wait to wiegh less then her. A lot of people say we look like sisters. I am wide so I will always look larger then her and wear a larger pants size due to this hips of mine, but if I can start looking better and give her some competion boys you better watch out!!!!! Oh and the guy that I was talking to, he stopped talking to me. I jinxed myself once again. The next time I meet someone I am keeping him all to myself!
A stress filled weekend down. Now to face the weekend. I already had biscuits and gravy for breakfast. I need a light lunch and a light dinner. Problem is I want some bad food like potato chips and pasta.I think it is because the weather is chilly outside. I lost the weight that I had gained back. That is good. I am back on track. I will stay that way. Watch those portion sizes and drink lots of water!!!
Hahaha yeah I have been bad. I haven’t kept a food log. I surely haven’t kept an exercise log. That is because I haven’t exercised lately. I thought I would do that tonight but I got interested in talking to a guy. Tomorrow morning will be the day. I know they say it is easier to start on a Monday to do anything. I just need the head start.
This week I was pretty bad. I got some bad news at work and it really hit hard. So what did I do, went and got fast food. Dryer at home isn’t working. The computer is on the fritz. So anyway, back to trying a fish for the week. hope everyone out there is enjoying their diet. If not hang in there. We just have to get over January. Then we will all be ok.
Sure some people may call it the lazy mans sport. Not me! At least not when you are first learning it. Yesterday I went snowboarding for the very first time. It was super fun. I fell so many times that today I am paying for it. It really felt good to have something to look forward to doing next season. Why not this season? Well I can’t afford it. I also don’t have Thursdays off either. That is when they normally go. Besides this gives me a chance to practice a trick so I can get off the chairlift. Yes, I ate snow every single time I tried to get off the chair lift. This will also let me strengthen my calves. People will tell you to strengthen your thighs but they don’t tell you about your calves. Mine were burning like no other. The boots are hard to walk in. Especially when you are walking up hill.
SO now that I am no longer in a funk. Looking for the snow pants wasn’t so bad. No I didn’t find any rentals in lady sizes. I had to go to the mens sizes. I didn’t have any luck with the pants. But the sales guy made me feel better. I am sure he was just doing his job but when he was going through the snow bibs he found some mens. I asked what size were they. He said mens XL, I think they are going to be to big for you. I said let me try them. They surely weren’t to big. They were almost to small but I jammed my hips into them and tried moving around. They will work. So I took them. No luck renting a jacket, the only thing they had in XL was a men’s suit. So I put my self into debt and bought a jacket, that I hope will work. Best of luck to me on the mountain. Never give up Never surrender!!!!!!!!! Oh as for the food log. That wasn’t working for me. Yeah I forget to write everything down. So I will start again next week, but I will start at the beginning of the week not the middle.
Oh boy oh boy oh boy! Yeah, I am sad. More disappointed and a feeling of dispare. I know that it is my own fault that I got this big but really. I thought I was doing soooooooooo good losing weight. Yes, I know I hit a plateau but still I thought I lost enought that I could at least find some snow pants and try snow boarding. Well, reality punched me right the face today. I went looking for snow pants. Yeah that was a bright idea. I am going snowboarding on Sunday. I thought it would be wise of me to go to the store and see if I could find some snow pants at the local Gart store just up the street. Well I tried on a Ladies extra Large. They so didn’t fit. So I was a little disappointed. I was hoping to fit into a smaller size. So not the case. So I thought well maybe I can fit in a Large Mens. Maybe that wouldn’t be so bad. Well they didn’t fit. So I went and got the mens Extra Large. Yeah tried those on and they didn’t fit. I was ready to cry. What can I say, I hate clothes shopping. I grabbed my stuff and headed out. Only to the realization that tomorrow morning I have to go and do this same stuff all over again. NOT HAPPY!!!!! On my way home I thought, How can this be that I am so fat that I can’t find snow pants? How am I going to lose another pound or two before tomorrow? What do I have at home that will help me? Can I exercise enough to drop another pound by the morning? Then I thought, Jess what are you thinking? That is never going to happen. You are just going to have to go in there and embarass yourself again all so you can try something new. Even as I am committing to get back on the diet and exercise bandwagon bigtime, I am thinking these little chocolate bars sitting infront of me would be so good. They would take away all the pain of not fitting in. Even as I hear the words coming out of my mouth I know that I don’t need these little chocolates to get me over the sadness. It is only going to add to the pain and guilt tomorrow. I can’t help but wonder, is anyone out there in the same struggle as me? Fighting myself from eating and trying to cut corners in weight lose. Fighting the need to cry at my failing quest against exercise and diet. Fighting the want to dig into a huge pie! Stuffing my self with pizza or ice cream! Fighting the want to break down and cry and give into the fact that I will never fit in. That I will always be fat! That I will never fit in. I will never get to do all the things I want to because I am just to big! What can I say. Sometimes it feels like the pressure of the world is pressing down hard on my shoulders. I know there is someone out there just like me who is going through the same struggle. They are probably the same hieght, same weight, same short legs and long torso, same ups and downs. Yes I know someone out there feels my pain. For that person I have to keep telling myself to push harder. Stay away from the chocolate! Stay away from Friday night pizza! Stay up! Don’t let them get you while you are down! So this I say. I will go and face the humiliation tomorrow. I will find some snowboard pants even if I have to get the boys pants and tuck the bottoms up to my knees. I will not let me get me down. I will not cheat the diet. I will stay tried and true! I must stay on my rocky path and hope that the lord will lead the way for me. This world is meant for me to do bigger and better things. I shall not sit here and pout. I will muster up all my strength and head on out to that front line. I will not let food defeat me! I can not! I simply can not let that happen again!
My sister turned me on to Hungrygirl.com. If you haven’t been there and you are struggling like I do. They have some great tips and information. As for me, the whole fish thing is working. I am down another pound! Yay me! Yes I celebrate every pound because that are all a struggle for me. I can’t wait until the day I can say it is not a struggle and I have a routine that works for me. No more snapper fish. I finally rewarded myself with chicken. Next, weeks fish Mahi,Mahi. I have heard great reviews but I am a little scared now. So we will see what the weekend holds. I know it will be a challange for me. I like to go out and get a drink over the weekend. I also like to sit on my butt with good company and watch movies and play games. SO happy Friday!
So I ate fish today. It was the same kind I had earlier this week. Red Snapper is SO off the list. I just can’t take it. It has to much of a fish taste. As for the diet. Not doing so bad. I had Oatmeal for breakfast. Didn’t get to eat again until 5:30. Yes I know that is bad of me. I did drink lots of water during the day. I had a good plan. I brought yogart for my mid morning snack, the fish and rice for lunch and carrots for my afternoon snack. Well I managed to eat the fish and rice for dinner. I also had the carrots. It helped to get my mind of the fish. Yes I poutted because I had to eat it. But I did it. I managed to stay away from the vending machine. I also didn’t eat any chocolate that people kept offering me. I just can’t help thinking these people want me to stay fat. Look at all the sweets they keep offering me. Look at all the fast food they bring in. Then I have to stand by it and it is so inviting. I mean really, it is soooooo hard to be surrounded by all this fast food. I work down town and we are right off the 16th street mall, so there is bad food every where you turn. I don’t see how healthy people do this. I mean really. They must not see food as a friend but as something just so you don’t pass out from hunger. I had about 1 serving of rice cake thingy’s for dinner, and gave away my yogart. I did take a break from the exercise. Tomorrow I will pick it up again. My legs are sore. I hate lunges. Who made those things? Who ever did should stay far away from me. Me and my tired legs may just try to kick them in the head. Enough of my ranting. I am going to go lay in bed and stay away from food and exercise. Tomorrow is a new day. Time to try again!