My little black diet book

For a while I stopped blogging. I wasn’t feeling like going on line at writting that I have had no success or very little success. However, I found when I blog it keeps me honest. I don’t want to look back at the blogs and see how whinny I have been. It is depressing and no one wants to here you whin. It is a fact. It simply has to be.  So I am back to a very predictable diet.  Honey Nut Chex for breakfast, small snack mid morning/day (right now an Uncrustable or a small yogart), then Tuna sandwich and two pickle spears for lunch, then dinner will consist of tuna or chicken. If I am still hungry later I will have a bottle of water and fix a small snack like the individual sized popcorn.  Sounds kind of boring I know. However for me it works.  After this box of cereal I may go back to oatmeal for a little while. You never know. Lets just hope the portion sizes work. Then when I am over this horrid cold/allergy attack I can start exercising again.

Speaking of exercising, this spring I had planned with my friends to go out and play a new sport or do something that requires physical activity and being outside every other Sunday. We have all been trying to loose weight.  Well I asked if on the next Sunday that it is nice out if they wanted to go do something, get started. The responce I got was ‘maybe if I am awake’. I asked are you going to sleep past 3pm?  ‘Maybe’  which means that no she is not going to want to do anything with me this spring/summer. Which is fine by me if she wants to stay inside all summer with the blinds drawn playing the sims2. Personally I don’t want that to be me. I don’t want to sit around all spring/summer and be couped up inside getting fatter and fitter. I just get so frustrated because they agree to do these things with me and I get excited because we have all been lazy the last few summers, ok most of my life. However, now I want to fit in the bathing suit and go swimming. I wanna go to the golf course and try the driving range, not play the video game. I wanna try tennis. I want to throw a football around. I want to throw a frisbe. I want to play volley ball and badmitten.  Honestly, I just want to get outside, enjoy the weather before I am to old to realize what I really missed out on. Sure I love watching movies and kicking it on the sofa. There is not doubt in my mind that I will still do that in the summer. I just want to add some variety. You know I think she is scared of what people will think, and she has alway had that hard exterior when she is out in public, I just wish she could put on her call cool collected self and go out and have some fun.  I guess what it comes down to is I need to meet people who want to do the things I want to do. Maybe I am just being selfish. I don’t care. It is my turn. I bend for everyone else. Why can’t they just follow through with their agreement. Wow!! So sorry this turned into a rant but I feel much better. Now maybe I can have a good day!

Ahhhhh, the power of PIZZA!!!!!! It smells sooooooooo goooooood. That soft chewy crust topped with a sweet yet savory sauce and melty gooey cheese. How I love the cheese!!!  Yet, I resisted the call of the pizza. That is right I made it throught the week without eating pizza. I had my tuna fish sandwich and my cereal for lunch. Talk about being a good girl. That is right, even though I am suffering through this nasty allergy attack I did not give in to my food wants.  Now, we will see what the week has to hold going forward!

It snowed this week. Again I was craving the oh no so good for you starchy carbs. I did make some homemade chili with lots, and lots of beans. First time making my own chili and it didn’t come out tasting too bad. So far this month has been almost a wash. I haven’t been in the mood to diet. Work is stressing me out. My sister moved up the “brides maid dress” shopping up from the end of may to beginning of April. So that is practically 2 months down the drain. I just have to continue watching my portion sizes and drink lots of water. Lots and lots of water.

Yeah, we did it this weekend. I went to a lot of fast food joints and was a bad bad girl. I figured if I was starting on Monday, I might as well enjoy my last weekend of dinning out. Yes, I need to give them up for a while. Apparently, I don’t have the will power to resist the junk food and to go for the salad when I am out. I gained a few lbs back and it really sucks. That has me sad and the weather has me down. It is snowing and of course I want to sit at home watching movies and eating while my butt spreads instead of going outside and exercising or even walking. I have been catching a ride all week long so I missed out on walking this last week. I know that even if it is cold tomorrow I need to start walking to work again. It is my gateway to a more healthier life. With this knowledge I will go forward with ambition to stick to my life change.

So it has been a while. The winter weather has rolled into town again, and I find myself craving the starchy carbs. At one point I had lost 23 lbs. Now I am fighting to regain that 20 lb loss. Good thing I am only a lb away. It just sucks to see you meet a milestone, only to see you have to revisit it.  I will beat the goal again. I do plan on being down to 200 lb’s or below by May, when it is time to try on the dreaded bridesmaid dress. I know I will always be the largest girl in the group, I am just hoping to bring it down to something I am comfortable with.  Well off to finish the week with a moderate ending. I will start next week back on track. 

I have been bad again. What is with this?! Let’s talk about a major road block. I have someone that I am very interested in and spend most nights talking to him on the phone. We have been talking from 9pm to 2am most nights then I finally throw in the towel and tell him I am tired even though I don’t want to let him go.  He is very good for me in other aspects. I may lose sleep and find it hard to get up and work through out the day but I have been inspired to lose the weight again. I am almost down 20 lbs and I am struggling with this last lb. I will lose it. I just have to get back on track, which I will!!! I have already exercised once last week and I exercised again today. So the plan is to strech tonight and get up and excercise in the morning. Once I can master my cardio I can take all six flights of stairs at work. I can now do two with out being ready to pass out. I really want to build up my hearts strength.  So now that I am looking back I only sucked this week at the portion control and the healthy food.  SO this week I am already pumped because it will be warm out. I will be walking my 6 1/2 blocks to and from work daily again.  I am going to try to get back to the exercise log and the food log.

You know it is much easier to watch portion controls when you are by yourself and broke. I have noticed I have that when I am with friends I eat more. Not cool. I have cheated all week and now that it is time to get back on track it is super hard.  Yesterday for dinner I had a cup of clam chowder, cheese sticks, and a baked potato. So what’s with all the carbs? It is cold outside and makes me crave them. Wonder why…

Yesterday I cheated. I went to chili’s. I ran out the house early because it snowed. It took me two hours to get to work which was not cool at all. Then I realized I didn’t bring lunch so I went to Chili’s for lunch and dinner. Probably not the smartest thing I have ever done, but I enjoyed it. Everyone at work was saying that it looks like I am losing the weight. SO that really gave me a boost of confidence and to keep plugging away at what I am doing.

Yesteday was a good day for me. I had my one on one review with the site manager. It was awesome. He really liked what I was doing with my team so that makes me feel good. However, we lost another manager. So I foresee the stress levels in the joint skyrocketing. Personally, I think I will be fine as long as I don’t let the other managers bring me down. My team size is going from 13 to 17. I am used to having a larger team. I came from a team of 33 and have no problem with the larger team. I actually like a larger team, that way if someone falls behind, the rest can help carry the burdon.  As for food. I did very well. It was pizza nite and I had two slices. That is amazing for me. Normally, I like to have 5 or 6 slices. I feel like I am losing weight so that makes me happy. I have checked the scale and I am down to 218.2lbs.  That makes me very happy. I made it down to 219.5 the year before last and gained it all back. This time I am not letting it come back. I am fighting it off with a stick!!! I am really looking to get under the 217lb mark. I am a bit competative and my bestfriends sister weighs 217lbs the last I talked to her. I just can’t wait to wiegh less then her. A lot of people say we look like sisters. I am wide so I will always look larger then her and wear a larger pants size due to this hips of mine, but if I can start looking better and give her some competion boys you better watch out!!!!!  Oh and the guy that I was talking to, he stopped talking to me. I jinxed myself once again. The next time I meet someone I am keeping him all to myself!

Yes I did it. I had a lot of fun and only had two drinks…Normally I am slamming back shots of jager with my sister fience. I am the only one who will drink them with him. I was very aware of my diet and what made me pack on the last 50 lbs sooooooo I drank lots of water yesterday and  took the stairs. As I always say, it’s the small things that count!